Monday, April 30, 2007

Time marches on with deciet

Soon after moving back in, I tried calling him one night. I didn't get an answer, so I asked his buddy, who he was staying with and he told me that he didn't know. Turns out later, he did. So, after I moved back, we talked things through and he moved back in with me. It was AFTER he moved back in that I discovered his past. He went about his same jobs and I was trying to adjust to living in a very small room and not being able to have my own home. He wanted me to look for a house for us, so I did. And I found one. Meanwhile, my things stayed in the storage unit while I found a few more jobs and got back on my feet. One day, he started acting strange again. I was thinking that maybe it was HER again. So, one night, while he was asleep, I decided to check his cell phone because she was real famous for calling him. I heard a woman's voice on it telling him that she didn't want him to forget about her and that she loved him. WHAT???? What is happening now? IS this still going on? I got her number off the caller id and called her the next day and questioned her about it. She proceeded to tell me how they were "just friends" and she helped him get over his devistation over my leaving him. She told me that HE wasn't her type and she had a man already. So, I let it go.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Living through infidelity

I was gone about 8 months, maybe a wee bit more, but I soon came back little by little. I still had 2 of myhousecleaning jobs here so I would see him occasionally. We talked and I let him know that I knew about HER. I did not appreciate what he did to me. He apologized over and over and soon I started thinking that things would be ok eventually. One day after many months of thinking things through, I started thinking about him, and how we had spent so many years together and he still wanted ME and he wanted our family. He seemed to be very humble and wanting forgiveness. We went out on a few dates again and started discussing things. I pulled up stakes and decided to move back again, however, my house was gone because like a fool, I had sold it. A free and clear paid- for home. I just up and sold it due to my very carelessly thinking that getting rid of everything I had with him, would make things go away. I mean honestly, this whole situation tore me up so badly, that I did things without even thinking. When you are in love with someone so completely and they hurt you like he did me, some of the things that I did were just done quickly and not thought about first.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Why would he do this?

What am I doing? I asked myself this many times and I was so terribly confused with all the pain. How could he do this to me? "This isn't love," I cried. Why would he do this? There were so many questions that were left unanswered. As much as I tried ignoring the pain, it just wouldn't go away. He called and he called.. all we did was go around in circles with no really good answers. What did I do? Well, I got a lawyer and talked to him about it, and decided to go ahead and file for divorce. I moved on this quickly. I was too afraid that I'd let my guard down. But to be quite honest, I should have waited and thought this through. IF you are going through this, please don't move on divorce too quickly, because sometimes things really CAN be worked out. I got my divorce, but would soon move back with him, actually it was 8 months later. I will tell you about it in my next posting.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Life goes on

I cried and cried so much that I soon discovered that my tears weren't helping me anymore. I tried to go on with life. I moved away(actually I was gone for about 9 0r 10 months) and started getting back into a way of life without him. I was okay for awhile. I even thought that my moving was a good thing.. Nice brick home on 3 acres of land out in the middle of nowhere. And I mean it. It took 30 minutes to just drive to the walmart or any large sized store. I missed being in the thick of things here at home where I could hop in my car and end up at the grocery store within 5 minutes. I almost quit all my housecleaning jobs and it was kind of like he chased me away. How could I allow that to happen? I was depressed when I heard songs we used to hear together, I started wondering what was going on while I was away. Now what do I do?

I went crazy wild over finding his infidelity

Going crazy is what I did, or so I thought. I became so distraught that I didn't even give him a chance to come home. I immediately packed my things and out I went. This so happened on a Friday so I had the whole weekend to think things over. But I didn't. I stayed away and filed for divorce. I couldn't take it just knowing that he had been with someone else. The lies were too much for me. However, looking back on this, I wonder if I really did the right thing by scooping up my things and leaving without any words. At this time in my life, I was going through an early menopause and my mind was racing with the thoughts of another woman invading our space. He called me later to try and talk things out, but I just didn't budge.....not realizing that later I would actually come back and try to work things out. I wasn't ready to face the fact that he would do THIS to me. I was too upset to think about my moving out on him, too upset to try and make things work....too upset to do anything but cry. And cry I did so much to the point that I felt like time stood still.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Finding Infidelity

After he got himself all primped up and pretty, he went to work, or so he said. I was on the computer and waiting for him to leave. I got to thinking about what my friend asked me and figured I would go and look for her to see what all was going on. I wanted the DETAILS !!! I got dressed quickly, driving to the apartment complex. Oh my GOSH !!! There was HIS work truck. Oh no, what do I do now? I waited, and seems like it was an eternity. I called my mom crying, I kicked the seat back so no one would notice me. After more than an hour, HE came out, but what? What was this? She was right behind him. I laid back in the seat and watched them get into his vehicle. I decided to call him. I should have gone to the apt to confront him but I was too afraid. "Where are you at?" I asked. He replied, telling me that he was at a job. My heart fell to the floor. I ended up behind him somewhat later. I just couldn't bear watching him drop her off to where ever she was working at now since she had changed jobs. I was sooo stunned to hear him tell me something that I knew was a lie. I had been right there, and I knew where he was. I cried and was so devistated that I felt like I was going crazy.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Things are really changing

This went on for awhile as I just couldn't believe that he would be treating me so bad. I kept busy, working, taking care of my kids and trying not to let his behaviour bother me. One of my friends had asked me "hey girl, when did you and him get divorced?" I was stunned when she asked me this as she was the one who introduced us and I answered her with "we haven't". I of course asked why she would ask and she told me that she and her sisters had seen him in a near-by apt. complex where they lived and he was with another woman. Actually, he would go over there and be inside for awhile, coming out with his hair all messed up... WHAT????????? This was NOT him. He NEVER went outside with his hair messed up.. He was a natural born primp-in-the-mirror kind of guy. And she said he was there EVERY day??? oh my goodness. I asked her what she looked like and when she described her, I knew exactly who it was. She was someone that I had taken to work for a little elderly lady that was a client for HIM. He would go to this elderly lady's house to do repairs since her husband was sick and this GAL who my friend spoke of was an in-house nurse for her but she didn't own a car and we would occasionally give her a ride if she didn't get one for the day. I was all confused about this, but I just thought that maybe he was there waiting on her to get ready for a ride. Well, she was getting a ride alright. Let me tell you what I did on my next post.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Living with infidelity

As time went on, things got worse. I had my own business of cleaning houses and I was cleaning 2 or 3 every day. When I got home, I was tired but I still cooked dinner... suddenly, he was complaining so much about what I cooked that I ended up cooking him what HE wanted besides the regular dinner. He came and went as he pleased. We went no where together except when he would buy something that needed returned and then I HAD to go with him to help him. One day, I was in the kitchen and my son came in and told me that he had bought a brand new john deer tractor. He had gone to a lawn store that he often gets stuff for his weedeater or edger and he didn't need a credit card because they let him fill out for credit. It was mighty expensive and he never consulted me about it first. He was demanding and when I asked him about the purchase, he told me that he didn't care what things costed, and when the bills came in, I was not to question him, JUST PAY THEM. I was distraught and confused by his behavior. I only wanted peace and I restled with the fact that maybe he was going crazy?????? I just didn't know.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

My husband was changing and I didn't know why

I am the kind of person who wants to believe the best out of everyone. He started being "ugly" towards me, calling me names, calling all of my friends names... such as with one really good friend of mine that came over alot, he would call her "fatty" and then if that wasn't bad enough, he started being "ugly" to my kids. By this time, I had my oldest daughter out of the house, and had my middle daughter(a teen at the time), my youngest son, and OUR daughter. He started throwing fits over things that they did, always on my case about everything they did and if that wasn't enough, he one day threw a loaf of bread at my teen and started laughing at her. I don't know what was going on in his mind but actually she ended up throwing the loaf of bread back at him because he had been acting like a stinker for awhile and we were all tired of it. He started demanding that I buy certain products at the grocery store, wanted to have certain things to eat, and MY cooking wasn't good enough for him all of a sudden. Things changed so quickly and I just didn't know why. Jobs would call for him and he told me to tell them he would be there at a certain time, but instead, he would not show up. You know, I just thought that maybe he was going through a hard time, losing his boss, who was like a father to him.. maybe the stress of new jobs, getting a new business of his own started but I thought maybe things would get better. I wanted to believe the best in him and I stuck through alot of things he did to me that hurt so much. What else could I do ?

Monday, April 16, 2007

Living with lies

As time went on, things started getting worse. He began hiding money in his work truck, my daughter and friends were in the garage one day and playing the stereo loudly accidently knocked down some strange pictures hiding in the rafters. I looked at the pic of 2 little boys and inscribed on the back was in spanish and at the time I couldn't understand it very well but supposedly it said why don't you want us? I was totally confused. I knew that he was not much a talker and didn't say a whole lot about his past but who were these little boys and how did the picture get up there? I jumped way too fast. I confronted him about them and he made up a song and dance about them being nephews.....much later I found out that they were not his nephews. I wished now that I would have kept on to those pics because he tore them up into shreds as soon as he saw them. Many moons later, he told me that he had been with another woman years ago and they were supposedly HER kids. He also told me that he had 2 kids, but in reality there were 3....and that's not the ones in the pics. I soon started noticing more and more lies. He started changing some in the fact that he was coming and going alot, his lies became more frequent. Still, when you love someone, you want to believe in them....boy was I wrong.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Listen to what your mom says

My mom and dad came to visit. They really liked him alot. They noticed him coming in and out and told me that he shouldn't be coming in and out all the time. Well, I told them that in between jobs, he likes to be clean...and boy that is an understatement. He liked to shower several times a day. I never ever questioned him because I knew how he was. He came home kind of late while they were visiting and showered and left with dress clothes on like around 8 or 9 pm. Mom said "Something seems off here, as I don't know why he would need to go out for an estimate this late at night, especially with that pink dress shirt on". I sure wished I would have listened to my mother. She is wise beyond her years. Moms have an instinct about these things, but you know that when you are an adult, you still can be bull-headed about looking at things from your mom's perspective because you want to be your own adult. I told mom, well, I had become used to it and I trusted him completely. Boy was I wrong.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

day after day

Once our daughter became around 3, almost 4 yrs old, things were starting to change. He was in control of going back and forth from this job to that, being self employed and going when the calls came in. There were calls back to back and times he would come home in between so there was never a set time for being home. But then I noticed that there were some late night calls. ok, I said, it happens. But to be really and truely honest, I really did trust him. I didn't even think twice about him being on a late night call. Some places, especially business's need to have late night calls, or people working until late needing estimates for a job. This went on for awhile, but then came the late night call but him coming home and taking a shower, changing into nice clothes time. Still, I trusted in him. He was a good provider and he was a hard working man.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Getting to know him

Many years ago, over 14 to be exact, I dated a man who seemed to be what I would describe as kind, helpful, supporting and good to me. He was ready to get married but, I recall that I didn't want to get married because I had already been through a bad marriage and was having cold feet.
Needless to say, we dated for quite a while. Then one day he moved in and later got married. I learned to lean on him, and to trust in him beyond the shadow of a doubt. For a long time, he really was good to me. It was good as he helped me and I helped him. We actually did very well together up until a short time after I had our daughter, who is now a young teen. He went to work every day with a little older gent who would come and pick him up for work. He worked like that for several years. One day, that sweet older gent passed away, leaving his business...... that's when he started working for himself, being more free to come and go. That is when I believe our problems began.....

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