Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Could Things Ever Work Out For Us Again?

Oh dear, I don't know if I could ever go through the hurt and pain ever again. His cheating was just too much for me to deal with, especially since I went through this with him twice. After we divorced the first time, it took me nearly 9 months to get back with him, even then I was really horrified by what we went through. I thought the second time around things would be fine. Surely he would have learned his lesson. ..... nope, that was wrong. He only cheated on me double. Now it's been quite awhile since we have broken up and he still would like to have me back. Why does he think it will work out the third time? Doesn't he think that I have any feelings? Does he think that I am able to sweep all this under the rug and just go back to him? I need to keep the distance between us in order for him to get the point that I KNOW I could never go through his cheating again.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dating When You Have Children

How will I be able to date again? I have children. Actually, all of my children are grown but one. I still have a teen at home. How do I go about this without causing a big stir of emotion with my teen? She is upset about her father and what he did to me, to us and our family, but she's still not really understanding why things couldn't have been worked out. She would still like our family to be together and somehow dad can make things up to me. Well, I have tried to explain to her that he hasn't just cheated once, but many times and even after a break-up and back together again, things only got worse and it's hard for me to be able to get through it. I think that only time will heal the hurt. Maybe one day, when things are more settled, I will find that special someone. Oh dear, what if he has kids too? Well, that's another topic to discuss there.

Monday, August 25, 2008

When Will I Feel Like Dating Again?

Knowing when it's time to actually start dating can really be scary for some of us. I normally just jump right in and worry about whether the timing is right far too late to back up. When is it okay to start dating? Will others start talking about me when I feel the time is right? Will they ask me why I can't stay with one person? Honestly, no one has the right to ask me that because I am an adult. I wanted desperately to stay with one person until death do us part but it wasn't MY decision to break us apart. He made that decision to cheat and I wished that he hadn't. I wanted my marriage to last. Secondly, it shouldn't really matter if others talk about my dating again because they are NOT walking in my shoes. They don't know how bad I was hurt when he cheated on me. Lastly, I think that I will be the only one who will know when it's okay to date again. Actually, it's my heart that makes that decision. Sometimes your head can get in the way of thinking but I know that it's my heart that actually knows when I am healed enough to get out there again.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Picking Out The Right Mate For Me

Geez, it seems as though I have been through so much that I sometimes feel like I am unable to pick the right mate for myself. My mother always told me as I was growing up that I should pick a man in my own social standing. Well, what in the world did that mean? As I was growing up, it meant nothing. As I sit here today, I can somewhat see what she was talking about as far as picking someone who was compatible with my thoughts, the way I see things in the world and perhaps someone who was at least had some of the same ideas that I did. When I married for the first time, I just wanted out of the house, so I married a man who had very different views from mine. Oh, I was only 17 and didn't even know the meaning of being an adult. I had to grow up very fast because I soon had my first child, had to take care of my husband when he broke both legs and couldn't walk for a year and wasn't able to even go to college. I learned how to cook, clean and be a caretaker. Although that marriage didn't last, I gave it a good try, 13 years of my life. I struggled with his getting a good paying job while I was a stay at home mother, and being very much under his thumb while he worked and rode other women on his motorbike. Heck, I am sitting here thinking that I made a mistake when I married my second hubby, because he was the one I caught cheating on me. Why did I repeat the same mistakes on picking out the right man? Is there a law to finding the right one? Should I be afraid of trying again?

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Signs Of Your Partner Losing Interest

Sometimes the signs are there, but you don't always see them. Sure, in long term marriages/partnerships things can become a little hum-drum but how do you know if he/she's really losing interest in the relationship? Here are some signs
1. He/she stops kissing you hello or goodbye when they always used to
2. He/she doesn't want to participate in any family activities like they did in the past.
3. The typical working very late hours and not having enough time to spend with you or family.
4. They would rather be out with their friends more than usual.
5. They quit listening to what you have to say and don't make conversation like usual.
6. Other people become more important to them, more than you or the family.
7. They become more slobbier than usual and dress up only when going out without you.
8. They become more disrespectful.
9. They say things to pick more fights.
10. They start doing more things individually and less of togetherness.

Did He Just Use Me, Or Did He Just Lose Interest?

Did we ever have anything in common at all to begin with? I thought he liked the same foods as I did, but as time went on, it seems that everything about him changed. He no longer liked eating dinner with me. He wanted to have his dinner cooked seperately and made special just to his liking. He seemed to like to go out for a long evening drive, but that suddenly changed as well. He had his own business and he came in and out so much that by the time he finally was in for the night, he didn't want to go anywhere. At first, he was so supportive, helping me with an occasional flat tire, but then he started leaving me stranded on the side of the road to call on someone else's help because he was too busy. Did we ever have anything in common, or was he just acting that way to get me to be with him? It seems like after I fixed his legal papers, he no longer wanted to be the husband that he was supposed to be. Did he use me? Or did he just lose interest when he found another woman?

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Did You Want To Get Revenge?

After I found out that my husband was cheating on me, I flew the house so fast it made his head swim. I was hurt beyond belief at what I had seen not wanting to confront the issues with him at that time. After a brief period of nearly a year, we reconciled and I thought that things would be better because he claimed to have learned his lesson after what happened the first time around. Things were only better on the surface. He acted like he was happy to have me back, even treated me like a queen, only to have him do the same thing all over again, only with more than one woman the next time. Day after day went by, and I pondered over how to handle the situation again. How could he have not learned over his past mistakes, that I would leave again? During the times of trial and heartache, I learned how to finally get mad about it. Instead of the crying and wondering why, I became angry at the fact that he would repeat his actions. Did I want to get revenge? No, and I'm really not sure why. Many people I have talked to have told me that they wanted to get revenge back on their spouse, but I just couldn't find it in my heart to do it back to him. How many of you would have gotten that ultimate revenge and why?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Inner Strength

Day by day, I see my inner strength getting stronger, but when will I be over him? How can I get past the infidelity and sorrow that he has caused me? I seem to be fine on a day to day basis, but if I start talking about it, or someone asks me about it, I get all teary-eyed about things and start getting upset. Time has helped but there are times that it feels like this all took place yesterday. When will time heal my wounds for good, and not just on the surface? I was with him for more than 10 years of my life. Was it all a waste of my time? Did I just go through ten whole years of my life with someone who didn't really care about me? I hope not, but there's nothing I can do about it now....those years are long gone, so why aren't the bad memories? How do I make that final peace from within? Will I ever be able to get over the hurt?

Monday, August 18, 2008

Why Does He Have To Be So Helpless?

For many years, I didn't even think about all of the things that I have done for that man, my now ex. Why couldn't he learn how to do things for himself while we were still together? Yes, he was a very hard worker, and along with that, he liked paying his bills on time, keeping himself clean, dressing nicely and eating healthy. He didn't act like he knew how to cook, wash clothing or even write a check, so I did all of those things for him. After we divorced, he got in that kitchen and made his own dinners, kept up with all his dirty clothing and learned how to write checks to pay his bills. He learned how to improve on those things, but he still has not learned how to be a good father. He still remains the same there. He has not learned that by telling the truth it would be easier to deal with problems. He still hasn't learned that by not answering my phone calls that I still know where he lives. Why does he have to be so difficult? Why was he so helpless all those years, not helping me at all ? Maybe an old dog can only learn a few tricks at a time???

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Why Does He Always Think About Himself?

Is he just a vain person and I didn't see it? Doesn't he think about anybody else besides himself? I called him today to see if he was going to participate in our daughter's upcoming 15th birthday party and all he could talk about was his problems. He had had an accident a week ago, which I didn't know until today and someone had hit him from behind, leaving him with a rental car until the whole mess is settled. He talked about how he was having to deal with a salesman over another used car because he couldn't get fixed and he was ranting and raving about the insurance company and such. He says he might not come on Saturday because he is not sure he will have a car. I offered him a ride but he didn't want that. He didn't want one of my older children to come get him, and even though he is trying to get a car within the next day or so, he still was ranting on. Our daughter's 15th is very important and throughout the whole past year he knows I have been planning it. He didn't want to help me with it, and he didn't want to contribute anything to it. He said he would come, and now he is backing out. I even had to call him 20 times before he would even answer my calls. I have done everything alone, and he still doesn't want to participate. Why is he so self absorbed? At least he has a rental car. Isn't his child more important?

Monday, August 11, 2008

Keeping The Distance Between Us

As the days go by, time seems to go so slow sometimes, especially when I go through those moments of wondering how he is doing. I have days that fly right past me that I am so busy that I don't even have time to stop and think about him.....but then, there are other days that I pause long enough to wonder what he's doing. I wonder what he's doing there in that big house that was supposed to be mine. I wonder if he's eating well and getting enough rest, but I know that our marriage is gone now and I have to stop caring so much about him. Why did he have to do this to us? Was the other women in his life so important that he had to lose his family over? I am trying to keep distance between us so that I can heal. Healing takes time, and when I am here milling over him, things just seem to stay the same. I have to be stronger. Keeping the distance isn't always easy when you have children together.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Loving A Man With All His Faults.......

When you get married, or couple up with your mate, you learn to accept the flaws along with the good stuff, right? Well, that's how I see it. I learned how to deal with my ex-hubby's childish ways and wanting things done his way, but when we got married, I didn't agree to stay with him throughout his cheating ways. We took a vow and that was to each other, not the other woman, not to add that extra person in our vows, but just to each other. What made him think it was alright to do this to us, and why did he think it was acceptable? When I found out that he was cheating, he acted like it was just nothing, wanting to sweep it under the rug like it never happened and on the road again we would be with our marriage. I did accept all of his faults, but I never agreed to accept his cheating. That was a no-no and a deal breaker for me, but if he would have honestly tried to work things out with me, I would have stayed right there with him, because I know that we all make mistakes, but he didn't want counseling, and he didn't want to admit that he was in the wrong. So who got blamed for HIS cheating? The other woman.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Can A Woman Make It In Today's World Without Her Husband?

I wonder sometimes, how a two-paycheck family can make it in today's world. There are so many things on the rise: gas, food, clothing and education. I guess when we divorce, we are supposed to be able to make the bills and pay for the cost of living on one salary, with added child support, but I am here to tell you, it's hard. ..... but it can be done. Depending on the age of your children, if you don't have to worry about daycare, then that's a good thing...but what if you do? There is assistance out there, for the asking. There is help with food, clothing and other things such as help for electricity bills providing you find the right agency to help. Ask around for help, if you need it. I have even found that the YMCA helps with programs, but you must ask for it, as they don't volunteer that information right out front. There are baseball, football and other sports as well that will help with assistance if your child wants to attend. Yes, a woman can surely make it in today's world, but she must be able to ask for help if needed.

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