Sunday, November 30, 2008

Do Dogs Help Us With Our Grief?

I know it sounds like a silly posting, but I often wonder about this because I am the proud owner of two little chihuahuas. They have been such wonderful companions to me and seem to brighten up my world a bit. I know that they will never replace my ex, but come to think about it, they don't gripe or complain one bit like he did. My dogs don't leave their dirty socks on the floor, and they certainly don't ask me to go to the store and buy odd and specialty foods like he did. My dogs don't get all mad at me when I start crying over something that I really am sad about like he did either. Wow-- that's amazing to me because they seem to be there for me in times that he wasn't able to be for me. Will I ever find a man who will love me and accept me for who I am and want to be?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

A Bright New Future?

Am I honestly looking forward to a bright new future, being without my ex and having to look at the upcoming Christmas holiday and then a new year? That can be scarey but I am honestly looking forward to what "new things" might pop up for my new year. Although I have lost my mother and no longer have her to talk things out with, I still have a few very close friends that I can always tell my woes to, and all of my friends on as well. I feel that the future is going to open up a whole new world for me and I am looking forward to it.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Is It Sex That I Miss, Or Is It Just His Love?

wow, I can't believe that I just wrote that title..... I have not had been near him for awhile and I often wonder if I actually miss the sex, or was it just his way of loving me (before his cheating, of course) ? He was a small framed, short kind of guy who always smelled wonderful. He always had a very smooth face, and took good care of his skin. He was a very handsome fella and had ways of making me feel good. Even though he was a small guy, he was very strong, and actually a very hard worker. One thing that I really loved about him was his ability to allow me to be me. I loved to be able to hop into the car and run down to the grocery store or walmart on a whim without his getting angry about it. Of course, I can do that now as well without him but he was just that kind of guy. We got along so wonderfully before his cheating so I don't really know what happened in our marriage, and I know that I never will. Do I miss sex? Or was it just his loving touch?

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Trying To Be Strong For My Daughter

As many of you already know, I have a teen still at home and her father has chosen not to come and visit her. He says that he is just too busy with his work. I have written several posts accordingly but things still remain the same. My heart and soul ache for my child because I know how much she misses her daddy and it was not her choice to have us apart. I have done the best mothering that I know how to do and she is well balanced and happy. Her report card grades are excellent and I couldn't be more proud of her. It's in times like these, those sentimental holidays that come and go that really start to tear me apart. I have decided that I am going to try and remain strong for her and show her that even though her dad is not around, he still loves her and so do I. I am going to do all the normal traditional things with her and we will build our own new traditions as well. One thing that he DID NOT like to do much of and we do, is to go around during the evening hours and see all the Christmas lights....and I think we will do that this year----just because!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Are You Sticking With Tradition?

There are many of us who find themselves without their spouses this year and since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I am very curious as to who is sticking with their normal Thanksgiving tradition this year. I was fighting it so much to do something different like cook an outrageous dinner instead of the normal turkey dinner but have found myself wanting that same ole tradition so I have decided that I am going to stick to the traditional turkey and dressing meal with all the trimmings. Granted, I do have one less husband around to take care of, but I am not going to let that stop my being thankful this year. I have so many things to be happy about and I have decided that I am going to try my best to be joyous. What are all of your Thanksgiving plans this year? Anyone besides me, going to make the whole dinner? Here's my menu:
Turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, candied yams, green bean casserole, baked beans, deviled eggs, and last but not least, pumpkin and pecan pie!!!!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Counting My Many Blessings

I write this post because I have so many things to be thankful for. It didn't have to be this time of year, however, I feel I need to write this because I just lost my mother and I have so much inside of me that I need to release. My mother was so in love with my dad but he passed about 5 years ago and she never got over losing him. Mom was such a wonderful woman but she truely believed that she could not live alone, so she found a boyfriend...however, this boyfriend was not a good one. He lived off of mom, allowing her to pay all the bills, groceries and support him while he worked and made money. He went through all of her inheritance from dad and from grandma as well. She even cashed out a life insurance policy for him. The things that I discovered while cleaning out her affairs were shocking. Was she just paying for his love? I will never know. Today I am no longer with my ex because I made the choice NOT to put up with his cheating any longer. I didn't have to have another man to immediately take over for the one that I lost. I have had to learn how to stand up and be my own person. I count the many blessings that I have learned how to be more independant. I wished that my mother had been able to do that. I am so blessed to have been given my wonderful children who are all grown, and one teen, but they all show me their support and love. I am so lucky. What blessings are you counting this season?

OMG!!! He Actually Paid His Child Support!

I have been gone for 9 days to take care of my mother's affairs due to her passing very unexpectedly. I came home totally exhausted but after one day of rest, I had to make it to the computer to do the posting of all that I have spent on my trip to Indy. While checking my own account, I just so happened to check on the other account and low and behold, there was the child support. It had just posted a day before I got home but what a lovely suprize. It was late, of course, but to me, that did not matter....all that mattered was that it was there and what a blessing. I want to call him so bad to thank him but am so afraid that I will jinx things by doing so. He knew that my mother had passed and perhaps he felt sorry for us? I don't know what his ryme or reason was, but hopefully the child support will get back on track once again. Here's to hoping so !!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Thankful For Thanksgiving

Here it comes, a wonderful time of the year and there is so many broken hearts. This is such a bad time of the year to have to deal with all that's going on. Normally there would be mass pandamoniom getting out and finding the right turkey for baking, writing down a list of all the extras that's needed to make all the fixins to go with it, and not to mention the dessert that's so delicious after the meal is done and ready to eat later in the day while the football is on the tv. Yes, that's right, for me, that's the traditional day and once everyone's fed, I normally get all the dishes done and take it easy for the rest of the day, knowing that all the fantastic shopping will start at 5 am the next morning. I love it, and I love what Thanksgiving is all about. Being thankful for so many things that I have been given....but this year, it seems that things have changed a bit for me. None of my children will be coming because everyone has their own agenda. I have lost my mother and for me, that's a big issue to deal with and I haven't allowed myself to really cry about losing her yet. I need to try and get into the mood of the holiday season, knowing that I won't be with my ex this year and need to start anew. Any suggestions?

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Infidelity 101 - They Think Their Secret Is Safe From You, Think Again

Many times a cheating partner is so caught up in their new found romance, they do not even realize they are giving off vibes and clues to their secret life. Those little indicators that you could not decipher at first could be signs of a cheating partner. If you have felt something or noticed that your relationship with your significant other has changed as of late, read on to learn what you can look for that uncovers your partners so-called secret life.

Like with any new found passion, whether it be a hobby, a good book, or, in this case, a hot flame on the side, humans tend to give it their all. You have heard people say, "The book was so good, I could not put it down", and it becomes their sole focus at that moment in time. The same passion holds true for a cheating partner. They are caught up in the new romance to the point they are not focused on the in and outs of daily life. Examples include daydreaming, forgetfulness and a general lack of focus and attention to detail. If you are having to repeat yourself in conversations with your significant other because they are "not all there", then something else is likely on their mind. The more passionate they are about this new flame, the less they contribute to the relationship they have with you. Asking questions about their lack of focus with either get you information on a personal issue they are dealing with, or maybe no answer at all, an indicator they are hiding something from you.

Sometimes the influence the new flame has over your partner flows into their thoughts and feelings. We are highly impressionable during a new relationship because we want the other person to like everything about us. If you see your partner changing their views and opinions, it might be due to the influence of this new relationship. What was once not a big deal, such as appearance issues for example, might suddenly become a big deal. Unconsciously, even unknowingly, your partner begins to mold to the attitudes and views of this other person. When things they say seem to "come out of left field", it is time to question why and get to the bottom of it. Not only with their views change, but you could also start to see changes to clothing styles (seemingly out of the blue) and other personal re-vamps.

Everyone at some point in their lives has probably experienced the feeling of "butterflies in their stomach". During a new romance, people have a loss of appetite, and get that giddy child-like feeling. If your partner's eating patterns change, usually eating less, then again you have to question why. Their thoughts are flooded with images of their new-found love and you unfortunately are put on the back burner. This includes a lack of sexual desire on their part - either because they are getting it somewhere else, or you just are no longer attractive to them. More and more you will see them less and less in your life as they pull away from you and move toward the new flame. If you once had a close relationship with your partner that now seems just a distant memory and you cannot figure out the reasoning behind it all, it is time to examine your relationship in detail.

As much as one believes they hold a secret from someone else, no one ever has a perfect poker face. There are certain nuances that each cheating partner reveals without knowing it. If you suspect something is up with your significant other, then it is time to look for the details that give up their secret. My website,, will give you more information on what to look for in a cheating partner as well as what you can do to uncover their nasty secrets before it is too late. You have a right to know about your cheating partner's antics, so you can decide what is the next best step for you.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Infidelity 101 - Red Flags That Expose Your Cheating Partner

Do you suspect your partner is cheating on you? You know that something is going on with them, they seem different in some way. But are they different due to infidelity? Find out what to look for that could lead you to discover your significant other has a secret life apart from you.

You have lived together for long enough to get a good idea of how your partner reacts in most situations. If you see a sudden shift in character, this could be a red flag to a cheating partner. If this change in character replaces that person you once knew, something is up in their personal life. These sudden changes can be spurred on by changes, positive or negative, in their life. Getting a raise or promotion, or the opposite such as a demotion or change in working environment might be reasons for sudden changes in character. Most people are more than willing to share ups and downs; looking for understanding. In a normal relationship, you probably are going to be privy to this information and can set your mind at ease. However, if they do not seem to volunteer any reasons, there is likely more to the story.

Everyone understands that as two people live together longer, they become more and more comfortable with each other and the whole "honeymoon" feeling comes to an end. There is a deeper understand of each other and an acceptance and trust that builds over the years. If suddenly you feel a distance from your loved one, they spend more time alone, and they are "somewhere else" when you talk, it could be a sign of a cheating partner. If they are getting the attention and "love" somewhere else, there is no reason to give that same attention and love to you. On the other hand, if they are tripping the light fantastic, something or someone has got them all wound up.

If your partner seems more secretive and closed, it could due to something they are trying to hide. They are getting to the bills first - credit cards and cell phones - to pay them off. There is probably something they do not want you to see. They might start to take off "just for the heck of it" on a regular basis, using lines like "I just need to get some space and fresh air". More likely they are getting "fresh" with someone else! Offer to tag along and let them know you want some fresh air too. Those sudden excursions probably will come to an end! Late nights at the office also could alert you to a cheating spouse. Drop in and visit, surprise them with a late night snack - you might get more than you bargain for!

Feeling like something just is not right with your partner should instantly alert you. If they are not letting you know more about what has changed in them, they probably have a good reason. And you have good reason to investigate further. You have to become super sensitive to every aspect of their life - you have a right to know what is going on. Further proven techniques are available below to assist you in catching a cheating spouse.

What do you do when you suspect the love of your life is cheating on you? What are the signs to watch for to catch them in the act? Learn more about catching a cheating partner by visiting my website:

Infidelity 101 - Follow Their Trail of Deception

The longer you wait, the more stress and anxiety you will endure. You know that your spouse has acted suspiciously lately and you are concerned it has to do with an affair. They just are not the same as they used to be - you have gotten to know them pretty well throughout your time together - or so you think. Read on to learn the tell-tale signs of a cheating spouse and shut down their booty call dead in its tracks.

If you find that your spouse is spending more time away - late nights at the office, leaving early for work or working on their days off - there could be more play and little or no work. Your spouse might also have extra out of town meetings to attend. Well, maybe they do have extra meetings and extra work. Maybe not. Your best bet is to keep tabs on your spouse and make sure they know it. This includes dropping in to their work unannounced, offering to tag along with them on their business trips, even calling them at work a few extra times. If they start to come up with a ton of excuses why you are not welcome, you probably have some extra-marital romancing going on. Keeping tabs will give them less wiggle room and more squirming room. They might realize you have their number!

Everyone these days has a computer at home. What kind of activity is your spouse participating in online? When you near the computer do they react quickly like a panicked hog ready for slaughter? Are they being secretive with their online activities? If they are giving off that "guilty as sin" vibe, you might want to investigate further. Software is available allowing you to track your spouse's online activities and with any luck you will find it all there in black and white for the world to see. Once the software is installed, sit back a few days, then get in there to find what they have been up to. Most software packages let you track their text, the web sites they visit with screen shots and any messaging they might be doing. I strongly recommend you get full versions (yes pay for) of the key logging software to avoid embarrassing pop-up or "end of trial period" messages your spouse might see.

How has romance and intimacy been lately between you two? Do you feel they are pulling away from you and not giving you that same love you used to have? While sometimes this can be attributed to stress in their lives or even a leveling out of the relationship highs (honeymoon period has come and gone), it might also be that they are getting their satisfaction elsewhere. If someone else has taken your place, there is not much likelihood they will come to you for much more. Look for signs of another cologne or perfume, foreign hairs, even changes in clothing styles and tastes. If they are cheating on you, they are more than likely doing whatever they can to make an impression on this new fling. With this new lack of intimacy and lovemaking you will probably see a change in character and outward presentation as well. If they are not willing to talk about the lack of closeness, they are hiding something. Telling you that "it is just me" or "I am just tired" are flat out, lame excuses used to end the conversation. Watch out.

There are many other signs to watch for to discover your spouses little secret and you can discover them by reading below. You cannot wait around for them to tell you all about it - it is not going to happen. You have the right to know and should not wait to find out. Your spouse needs to be stopped now - for your sake. Take a positive step today and end the stress and anxiety by catching your cheating spouse red-handed.

Too many relationships end due to infidelity. You might already be in one of those relationships, and not even know it. Or maybe you suspect something, but are not totally sure. Know for sure by discovering what to look for in catching your cheating spouse; visit my site:

Infidelity 101 - Discover the Truth and Uncover the Secrets

Everyone has heard the saying, "the honeymoon is over". For most relationships this is that point where each person becomes comfortable with the other person. You let down your guard more often, and probably do not pay as much attention to grooming or public display. For other relationships - maybe yours - it could mean something more. Do you suspect your significant other has a NEW significant other? Find out below what to look for that could indicate a cheating partner.

If you have been in your relationship long enough you are very sensitive to subtle changes in emotional behavior. If you start to see your spouse is showing less affection and attention to you, it could mean that his focus is elsewhere. Spending more time alone, less communication and lack of sexual desire are indicators that something is just not right. You could just chalk it up as a bad day for your spouse, but when these days turn into weeks and months, you better start to think otherwise. Shutting you out is a problem and unless they give you reasons why, you probably are dealing with wandering eyes.

On the other hand, if you see your spouse changing - new clothing styles, new cologne/perfume, changes to interests and desires - it might be an indicator of cheating. Sometimes people just need a change, but not to everything at once! This new love interest could be directing your spouse's lifestyle changes, all because that is the way they like to see him or her. With any new relationship there is a desire to please the other person - even look back to your own relationship beginnings. Your spouse's new look, for whatever reasons, is something you need to examine closely because there is probably a love interest behind it all.

Those extra hours at night at the office, or the frequent business trips out of town might be covers for you spouse's cheating desires. Dropping in to the office unannounced with lunch or calling their office to see how they are doing could alert you to a cheating spouse. If they are not where they said they were going to be - they better be ready to explain. If they know you could call or drop in at any time, those late night work hours or out of town trips might disappear - almost magically! If you used to go shopping together and now they want to do it alone - you have got to wonder why. Oh, maybe they are going shopping for you - to bring you a surprise....ha! Strongly insist you go with them, suddenly they probably will not need to get out alone.

There are more signs of a cheating spouse and information can be found below. You deserve to know what is going on with your spouse. If they are cheating on you, getting to the bottom of it all is first and foremost. What you choose to do at that point is in your hands.

Stop being left alone in your relationship. Relationships affected by infidelity and cheating spouses is getting out of control - you might just be a victim and not even know it. To find out and get more information on cheating spouses, visit my site at

Infidelity 101 - Catch Them With Their Pants Down

Okay, not literally of course, however there are certain actions you can take when you suspect your loved one is cheating on you. Nothing can be more emotionally damaging that finding out your partner's love interests lay elsewhere with someone else. From hurt to humility to anger, you run the gamut of emotions. Find you below what you can do now to deal with your suspicions of a cheating partner.

Keep track of your bills. If they are going to cheat, a credit card transaction or repeated unknown phone number might alert you to a cheating partner. If you monitor your incoming bills on a regular basis (including your bank accounts), will help give you an ongoing "snapshot" of activities. If you some reason the statement start to disappear or your partner rushes to pay them, you might want to suspect dishonorable actions - it is obvious at this point they are attempting to hide something.

Another way to discover a cheating mate is to monitor their online activities. What better a way to cheat on you while in your own home than through a computer? There are numerous software programs available that will log activity on your computer including email addresses, screenshots of pages visited and text messaging. Once you have the software installed, just wait a few days and check it out. I recommend you get the full version software and avoid trial products online due to possible pop up renewal messages and short trial periods. More resources are available below.

If your partner starts to spend more time at the office, working later, you can easily find you if in fact they are working. Make a surprise visit to their work with a homemade snack or lunch. If they are there, it will at least ease your mind about any infidelity suspicions you have. If they are no where to be found, they have some explaining to do. Your random visits will surely stop any cheating thoughts they may have.

You have to power to discover the secret life of your partner. If you suspect them of cheating, you have every right to know about it. More information and resources are available below. Waiting and hoping it will go away is not the solution. The solution is to deal with it now.

Feeling angry and humiliated due to suspicions of a cheating partner? Track them and get to the bottom of their activities. You do not have to stand by and let it happen. Visit my site, to find out what you can do now.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Moving Out And Leaving Things Behind

When I moved my things out, it was indeed quite akward because he didn't seem to mind that I was leaving, yet he kept walking by me down the hall and trying to see what was going on. I never wanted to move my things with him around, but he made sure he was there. Although I have been moved out for some time now, I realize that there are still things there in my old house. He has made it a point to let me come in whenever I please to get them, but I hesitate because whenever he sees me, he intimidates me, wants to hug me and give me a kiss. I get confused as to what his intentions are and don't want to face him again after he has put our family through all this turmoil. I wonder if those things I left behind are really as important as they used to be. With the holidays coming soon, I am starting to feel blue.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

New Things Are Finally Starting To Happen

Lately, it's kind of been out of sight, out of mind for me and my ex. I have not seen his face in a while and I no longer wonder what he's doing at random times of the day. He has gotten less and less dependent on me and that's a good thing. Thanksgiving and Christmas will soon be upon us and I normally do not look forward to those holidays without him but this year I feel is going to be different. I finally feel like I am free and I look forward to a new year of great things to come. Our daughter seems to be doing better at understanding that her father is just not there for her. I think that's been why her grades weren't as good for awhile but she just brought home all A's and B's and that's a reason to celebrate. I also notice her understanding that she cannot do anything about her father's actions, so she is now growing up into a beautiful young woman. Here's looking to a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas season, and I have so much to be thankful for.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

He Wanted Me To "Share" Him With The Other Woman

Back when I was still with my now ex, during the time that I had already caught him cheating and him denying it, saying that it was only in my imagination, I tried so very hard to control her contacting him. I tried blocking her number from his cell phone, which worked for a little while, until she started contacting him through various work numbers and friends phones. Nothing worked. I wanted so much for her to go away and my husband made out like it was her that was bothering him, and that he wanted her to stop calling him. I believed him, but I shouldn't have. I wanted to believe. During one phone message from her to him, she told him "be careful going home my love" I was furious. He didn't know that I heard her message. He went to the bathroom to call her back and I overheard him tell her " this woman doesn't want to share". Oh, I was livid!!! Share? Why on earth would anybody want to "share" their husband/wife? I wanted to break in and attack, but I couldn't. After many months of trying to repair my marriage one-sidedly I knew it was time to leave. Thank goodness that I didn't let it go on any longer than it did. What was he thinking that I was going to share him?

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