Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Dating World Seems So Scarey Sometimes

So, how do you actually start getting back out into the dating world again?  That seems to be a large question but not sure about the answers. How do you know when it's time? I guess that all depends on how quick you actually get over your past situation and how soon you think that you are ready to jump in.
1. online dating is one option that works for many...just be careful here that you don't end up with someone like your ex.
2. meeting someone through your friends or family...might be an option as well. Just ask your friends not to set you up with someone that has alot of bad habits though.
3. public places, such as ball games, volunteering, social outtings. 
4. through the work place, but not in the circumstances where they don't allow in-work dating.
5. grocery stores, malls, bowling alleys, etc.
There are so many places to meet new people. My suggestion would be to take it slowly, take your time getting to know the other person before jumping in head first.
Even though I knew my ex husband VERY well, obviously, I didn't know him well enough.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Vintage Antiques

Photos like this remind me of a time when bonnets hung on hooks by unlocked doors, oatmeal simmered upon wood-burning stoves, and young girls hand-stitched quilts by the light of the fire. Papa worked to till the ground while Mama kept children clean, safe, and well fed back home. Days like those are the ones that I long for.

I love patch quilts, ornate furniture, and crisp white aprons draped over long cotton skirts. I love wooden tables, press back chairs, and horse drawn carriages. Wooden church pews, cloth bound books, and silver tea sets. But above all that, I long for the return of vintage values.

When a wife honored her husband as the head of their house.
When children sought not to speak back to their parents.
When men cherished their wives as Christ does the church.
When the only sound before bed was the whisper of prayer.

Worth far more than any merchant could ask, are those rare vintage antiques. Those are the ones that I seek.

Photo credit: Michael Schacht

Commitment and Chores

I wonder sometimes, what it would have taken, to be accepted by my ex, as the only love of his life. At one time, I used to be, but I don't know what changed. What makes someone commit to loving one person, then , somewhere along the way, they change their mind, decide it's okay to take that leap of going out and having an affair behind their spouse's back? Why would he have decided that it was okay? Sometimes, it seems that life is blinding....only because you think that everything is okay, but they really aren't.
Making a commitment of marriage or being in a committed relationship should be just that--a commitment. Do we just suddenly grow tired of the same ole every day life experiences? Is there any way to change this?
I just feel that life is life....bills still have to be paid, no matter if it's a truck note, house payment or just the monthly electricity or water bill that comes along....and kids, if you have them, need to be nurtured and cared for.. Cooking dinner, washing the laundry all has to be tended to, unless you have a daily maid to do it for you, so once the newness of a relationship or marriage wears off, and daily life is staring right directly at you, these are all things that must be taken care of. Do we get so caught up in life that we let go of our newness of vowes? Aren't they just as important as the chores, if not more so?

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Fathers And Daughters

My daughter had her 17th birthday several days ago and low and behold! HE called her. Her father actually made the attempt to call her and once again, he told her that he would be over to see her in 30 minutes, and he showed up, for real! I decided to run a few errands before he came because I wanted it to be HER moment, hopefully give them a chance to talk. She called to tell me that he even gave her $30. Wow! I am stunned that he came over! I am also happy for her, because she's been wanting for him to come over when he says he is. I think that perhaps he's feeling a little guilty for not showing up all those past times when he told her he was. He and I had a conversation a couple of weeks ago and he let me know that he is having some health issues, and it's not good, so maybe he is trying to get back some father/daughter time that he has missed all these years. Why did he let all those years go? He has missed out on some wonderful times of her growing up. Do you suppose that he is going to start coming over on a more regular basis now to see her? I hope so.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

"Marriage"... written by Vicky Gray Deaton, Please read

This post was not written by me, but I saw it and wanted to share it with all of's terribly sad, that's for sure................................................................................................

by Vicky Gray Deaton on Saturday, July 17, 2010 at 9:03pm


When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Moving Right Along

The whole month went by and no child support..... I got brave enough to call him, and much to my suprize!.....he actually answered the phone. He told me that he had sent it on the last day of the month, and I asked him if he realized that it is supposed to be due on the first of the month, and all he could say was that he didn't have any money because he was choosing to work only half days because of the heat. He does some work outside, but he also works inside because he is home repairs but he still feels like working half a day is alright. He also told me that he had been sick and spending some money on his doctor bills. Right then, I knew he was telling the truth because he is a fanatic about his health. He even asked about our daughter--wow--what a shock! I was sad hearing that he has something wrong that they are doing tests to find out what it is, but on the other hand, I am glad that I no longer have to deal with his way of life. Seems that the other woman is doing that now. He called me a term of endearment, but didn't keep telling me that he loved me this time. What a sigh of relief that he no longer thinks that I am going to run back to him like I did last time.

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