Discipline Is Very Much A Verb

It’s easy for me to love my kids when they’re at the table making squishy dolls out of dough, when they’re whispering across the room from their beds, or when they’re laughing their brains off because someone has a noodle on his nose. Yes, love is the easy part, but discipline hasn’t always been so easy for me. Really—is it for any parent?

The other night while we were entertaining company in the living room, my boys ran up the stairs and rolled into the hallway pushing, shoving, and wrestling their way through the house. “Boys!” I shouted, “This is the last time I will tell you both to keep it down. Next time you interrupt you’ll both be sent to your room!”

Looking back at my guests, I apologized for my hollering. With four busy children I find that my voice is often used for correction, although I usually try to keep their correction a private affair.

“Don’t apologize,” Our friend said, “It’s refreshing to see children disciplined in this day and age.”

I got to thinking about discipline “in this day and age,” and wondered, Why have we become so fearful of disciplining our children that it’s now such a private affair? When did spanking get replaced by a scolding? Or do we even say the word ‘scold’ anymore?

Discipline isn’t merely a noun, it’s also very much a verb. If I am to do my job as a parent correctly, I will bring my children to a state of obedience by both training and control. I’ve penalized them when it’s been necessary, I've spanked them when they’ve crossed the line.

By the time my children were walking along furniture they were getting their hands "spanked." We used two words to teach, “No,” and “Danger,” and if that line of danger was crossed we deemed it necessary to tap their hands. Maddy insisted on pulling things down—lamps, glasses, candles, the telephone—you name it, and her hands were all over it. She was defiant, so much so that she threw herself down the stairs because I said, “No.”

The “terrible twos” often called for a stern warning followed by a good old-fashioned bum spank. With some of my children—my oldest in particular—a spanking was rare, but with my youngest child, Nathaniel, closer attention to discipline was required.

And then there was the time when anaphylactic Graham was found munching Easter chocolate under his bed. There was a reason he was hiding—he knew that a trace of nuts could kill him, but apparently the taste was well worth the risk.

I’ve never enjoyed spanking my children anymore than I enjoy getting on the treadmill for 30 minutes. But discipline is a necessary part of growing, and it’s my job as a mother to nurture my children well.

I agree with James Dobson who said, “Anyone who has ever abused a child — or has ever felt himself losing control during a spanking — should not expose the child to that tragedy. Anyone who has a violent temper that at times becomes unmanageable should not use that approach. Anyone who secretly 'enjoys' the administration of corporal punishment should not be the one to implement it.”

Loving correction should never be administered by an angry parent. It’s our responsibility as their guide to be self-controlled, loving and wise.

My grandfather (father to 18 children) always took a walk out to the shed before “giving a lickin’.” Some say he’d work on his craft, while others wondered if he was in prayer, but the result of his return was a stern yet loving parent whose sole purpose in discipline was to instruct.

Do I always feel like disciplining my children? Not as much as I enjoy watching them make squishy dolls out of dough, or listening to the sounds of their whisper at night, but I know that if I want to raise healthy children, I must maintain a healthy balance of love, guidance and discipline, whether it’s easy or not.

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him. Proverbs 13:24, (NIV)

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene