Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Quick to Listen - Slow to Speak


Remember those first few months of your courtship, when as they say “Love was blind?” My husband was perfect in every way. He wasn’t just the most intelligent man I’d ever met--he was also the cutest, the funniest, the most talented, the best dresser....I’m certain that Michael sensed that feeling of love and acceptance which in turn made him feel every bit as masculine and handsome as I believed him to be.

When you experience that kind of love, you feel worthy to receive and give love. In fact I remember a single friend of mine once say to me, “It’s amazing how a man has the power to make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world one day, and with one negative statement like ‘let’s just be friends’ that beautiful feeling is gone.”

This is the kind of spark I encourage you to bring back into your marriage. You hold the power to make your husband feel like the most amazing man in the world--one spark is all it takes to ignite the fire. But in much the same way, a bad attitude and disrespect has the potential to douse any flame you might have.

I've been married for 22 years, but there was a time in my marriage when things had turned sour. My husband was over-focused on work and paid little attention to tending to jobs around the house. Instead of mowing the lawn on a Saturday morning, he’d head off to work. Instead of being home in time for supper he’d stroll in anywhere from 7-9pm. I wasn't an angel either, in fact I don't blame him for wanting to stay at work. I was resentful, gave up on the house, and started to focus on me. So we had two people harboring anger, and as our resentment grew, the wall went up, brick by brick.

Praise God that we finally came to the realization that something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong, and all I wanted to do was run, but Michael loved me enough to stop me. He valued our relationship enough to sit down and talk until every bit of resentment was out in the open. God calls us to a life of righteousness, which is quick to listen and slow to speak. Life is no longer about me; it's about living for the good of my family and ultimately pleasing the Lord.

Like our bodies, a marital infection needs to be treated. Sometimes a wound creates pus that looks nasty, but it’s God’s way of cleaning out the body and fighting bacteria. An abscess is an entirely different thing, it collects puss and resides in a cavity until it is surgically removed.

Couples disagree, they fight, and feelings get hurt. It’s a natural part of any marriage--that's the nasty coming out--but resentments that are left untreated will fester and grow to the point where you have serious problems to solve.

Communication is so important. If you find it difficult to talk to your spouse, write him letters that stem from your love. Apologize for your shortcomings and build up his strengths. Remember that we can’t change another person, but we can always change ourselves.

Changing our heart is the starting place for rebuilding love.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
~ James 1:19-21, NIV

You are loved by an almighty God

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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