Grace is for Sinners

Grace is for sinners. But what about me, Lord? Is your grace for me too?


But each person is tempted when they are
dragged away by their own evil desire and
enticed. Then, after desire has conceived,
it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it
is full-grown, gives birth to death.
~ James 1:14, NIV


I’m writing this blog through a wall of tears, in fact I’ve shed so many tears over this today that I don’t know if it’s possible to shed anymore. I don’t weep for my pain but for those around me. I grieve that my sin is touching the lives of those that I love.

I was so close to God for so long. I read the Bible so often, studying to show myself approved unto Him. I home schooled my kids for six years because I wanted nothing more than to direct them according to the will of God. Hungering for the word of God, I taught myself biblical Greek hoping to unveil the layers beneath, and I started CWO. I was serving God with all of my heart, leading one of the most popular online ministries when burnout set in. I had too much on my plate and I needed to step back from it all.

That’s when Satan crept in.

I was friends with a man, such good friends that our families spent vacations together. And when he started feeling more like family to me I started confiding in him and he in me. One text led to another, and friendship led us to down paths of darkness and sin.

Someone convincing me that he loved me more than anything else in his world was the apple I reached for. I had an affair. It wasn’t about sex necessarily, and for most women it rarely is. It was the feeling of being wanted and loved that I craved. Just one text… just one phone call… just one kiss… each step leading me into the pit of death.

I won’t say I made a “mistake.” A mistake is picking up 1% milk instead of 4. The ugly truth is that I sinned and I have no one to blame but myself.

It’s been almost a year since my husband and I have picked up the pieces. I repented of my sin, turned my life back around and have been doing what it takes to rebuild my future. I’m in awe of my husband who accepted me back with a heart of forgiveness, understanding, and grace. I never understood the depth of his love until I received his forgiveness and realized that I had the love that I craved all along.

And I’m nothing without the grace of God who has cleansed me from sin. It’s that grace that gets me out of bed in the morning and keeps me moving throughout the day.

I started Time-Warp Wife out of that place of grace, all the while wondering if God could use someone who’s broken and tarnished like me. The object of my ministry is to encourage women in their marriage in hopes that they won’t make the mistakes that I have.

I have shared my story with a few close friends, a pastor, and a family counselor, but didn’t feel the need to make it a part of my ministry. I don’t want to focus on sin when there is so much hope for our future. God had other plans.

Yesterday I was featured in our local paper—an enormous photo of me along with a write up called “Biblical Sense.” Winnipeggars did not take kindly to seeing an article with a focus on wives living out their Godly purpose of being that of a help-meet.

I can take their criticism with a grain of salt, what is a little more difficult to swallow however, is receiving email that threatens my family from those who are aware of my past.

"What a bunch a bull. You can put a fake face on at the church too but guess what we are going to start attending. Boy I bet these people who think they know you would love to know the truth about how unchristian you guys really are."

And the threats go on...

Let me tell them first--let me tell you all first--I am a sinner who is nothing without the grace of God. I'm a failure, a slut and a scumbag. Who am I to advise women on their marriage? I ask. But still I feel a nudge from the Lord to press on while His words of encouragement whisper to me:


All who have this hope in him purify themselves,
just as he is pure.
~ 1 John 3:3


I'm definitely not good enough. But truth be told, the world as a whole isn't good enough for anything, would it not be for the grace of God. Grace is for sinners, and it's taking me a while to understand that and accept it, but to tell you the truth it's all I have left to hold on to.

I didn’t want to tell my story publicly, because I didn’t see the need. I didn't want my husband or my children or my parents affected. We have put it behind us and are building a better future that glorifies God and unifies us as a couple. I am so full of joy these days that I can't believe I'm the same person. And I know that I have joy because of grace, nothing else.

I don't know where I'd be right now if it wasn't for God's forgiveness and His righteousness. I really don't. All I know is that I truly felt dead in sin, and now I’m alive.

I wept at my father’s hospital bedside today. Sorry to cause him grief in his last days, but that’s what sin does. It not only eats away at our soul, it affects the people around us.

Dad’s advice to me was this, “God doesn’t care what you did yesterday, He cares about what you do today.”

I'm telling you this, because I believe that there is healing and hope when we confess our sins to one another. I’m not perfect—I’m just forgiven.

I'm sure that the lousy choices you make are nothing compared to mine. They are nothing compared to the apostle Paul's either.

“He brings us to the place where hope was clear. The time before the journey made you old. The place where children live. He brings you back to yourself so you can remember you and Him.” ~ Serena Woods, author of Grace is for Sinners

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

Click to share on Facebook:Share



Linked up with: