Dear Darlene,
I found your blog through Courtney at Women Living Well. I read the Bride in Training post and loved what you advised. I am a bride in training who is wanting to learn how to be a godly wife for my future husband. I've been learning submission, trust, obedience, and letting God love me and fill me so I can then serve my future husband instead of making him meet all my needs. I'm learning a lot.
I do not have examples of other women in my life and when I found you and Courtney I was so excited!!! The Holy Spirit has been teaching me all things and I am so glad He is. I am also praying that God would send me the real deal--genuine godly women in my life. I just turned 22 and would love to see godly women in action.
I have a lot of questions about marriage!! I have one that kinda concerned me... here it goes...
It's an intimate question. I was told by a woman that wearing lingerie or something sexy for your husband is a sin because we are not to seduce our husbands. I know our culture surrounds us with what sexy and beautiful is, and I believe it's just a tool the enemy has used.
The man that God has given me is a man that loves holiness and purity and loves God more than he loves me. He is a man of strength and gentleness and forgiveness. He constantly hides himself in God and when he sins, quickly repents. I can boldly say that he is the kind of man that takes every thought captive, who is fiercely faithful and loyal to me. He loves God's presence and word. I know that he is a good man and is not moved by the false passions of this world. I know he finds his strength and joy from God but am also aware of the enemies schemes and after all he is human.
So my question is, if I were to use something sexy for him in marriage would that be a sin and leading him away from God? I'm sorry if the question is dumb, I want to honor God but I also want to please and bring delight to my future husband, in turn honoring God. I have no one to ask and I certainly don't want to ask my future husband, to maintain myself and himself pure and to not fall into a trap.
What are your thoughts?
Bride in Training
Dear Bride in Training,
My first thoughts would be this, if the world is enticing your husband day after day, then you need to supply that need in the bedroom or someone else will.
However—and make that a big “however”--I’ve decided to turn to my husband for his thoughts on this, because your fiancé sounds so much like Michael in many ways.
Michael is a godly man whose sole purpose in life is serving God. In fact he wakes an hour earlier every day (5 am) just so he can spend that time with God. Serving God is his focus, and seeing women on billboards or at the office dressed in low cut lingerie doesn’t entice him--it annoys him, and reminds him of how corrupt our world has become. When he comes home he desires to see something different—a wife who glorifies God. He wants sex to be a beautiful experience that expresses our love, not one’s release of pent-up lust from a long days work with enticing women.
Do I think that sexy lingerie in the bedroom between a husband and wife is wrong? Absolutely not. If it appeals to you both and you are comfortable with it, then by all means wear it to please your husband.
My point is this, don’t measure your standard by the standard of the world, measure it against the relationship that you have, and what brings honor and respect to your marriage. Dressing in a provocative way might be confusing for both of you, so I'd start by wearing feminine night gowns that remind him you‘re a woman, then after time you will start to learn his preferences, and if you are comfortable--dress accordingly.
All men aren’t cut from the same cloth. A friend of mine didn’t sleep with her husband on their wedding night. Unheard of, I know. She was such a pure virgin that even taking that first step into a sexual relationship was overwhelming for her. Her husband loved her enough to wait, which really goes to show the depth of respect and admiration he has for his wife. To this day—as a mother of four--she remains a woman who reflects purity and innocence in all that she does. Rather than trying to fit into a mold that society offered them, they honored the bedroom as a sacred place where love comes first.
The biggest battle that we have is that we are constantly inundated by the world every day. We need not conform to their standards. We are conforming to Biblical standards. The Bible isn’t specific about this topic, but reminds us that conscience will be our guide.
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters,
in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies
as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—
this is your true and proper worship.
Do not conform to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
Then you will be able to test and approve what
God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
~ Romans 12:1-2
You are loved by an almighty God,
Darlene
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