How to Tame a Tongue

Ever wonder why you’re so relaxed around some people and others you’re not? Ever notice how some friends bring you down into a state of depression while others lift you up? Have you ever been to a party and noticed that when one person gets up to leave the others start leaving too?

Whether we are aware of this fact or not, we tend to mirror the actions of people around us. A perfect example of this is when a friend orders dessert, and we say “Why not—I’ll have dessert too!”

In the same way, we often mirror the negative behavior of those around us without realizing it.

Thinking back I recall a few times when a friend has offered a piece of gossip to me and all the while she was talking I was thinking of something negative I could share in return. It’s been the same way when it comes to talking about our husbands. A friend might say, “I was so mad at Justin last night, because I told him…”

And without thinking about it, I’ll chime in and say, “Oh, Mike does that too!! It drives me crazy.” And then we get into a discussion that unearths every fault I can dig up from 22 years of observation and put a negative spin on it. I’ve been there, done that and I regret each word I said.

I believe that most of us gossip to gain a feeling of superiority. We don’t want people to view us as inferior, so we verbally lower others in an attempt to elevate ourselves.

In the Old Testament, several negative words are used to describe a gossip, which can be translated as: backbiter, slanderer, talebearer, and whisperer.

One such word, found in Psalm 15:1-3 is, “Ragal – One who goes about maliciously as a slanderer, one who speaks maliciously about another.” (Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament)

Bottom line is that gossip is more than just asking about the weather—it’s laced with malicious intent. It’s tattling when you shouldn’t. It’s telling secrets that should be kept private. And yes—it’s finding fault in your husband and sharing those details with a friend over tea.

I don’t care how nice her smile is or how many pats she gives you on the back. If the conversation isn’t for the purpose of edification, correction, or instruction we need to control our tongue. Anything less dishonors our marriage.


Make it your ambition to lead a quiet
life: You should mind your own business
and work with your hands, just as we
told you, so that your daily life may
win the respect of outsiders and so
that you will not be dependent on anybody.
~ 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12, NIV


See what that says? “Win the respect of outsiders.” It’s really ironic when you think about it. The intent of our gossip is to elevate ourselves, but it really does the exact opposite. Every time an ugly word comes out of our mouth, we are losing the respect of the listener.

So how do we stop?

If your tongue has been babbling on for several years, consider it a wild horse. You need to tame that horse by training it thought by thought and word by word--taking every thought captive, until you’re willing to yield to the obedience of Christ. Only then will you respond to the bridle.


For in many things we offend all.
If any man offend not in word,
the same is a perfect man, and able
also to bridle the whole body.
~ James 3:2, KJV


Practice bringing your thoughts into subjection before they roll off your tongue. Honor your husband by being his cheerleader and trustworthy companion when he’s out of your sight.

Let’s stop mirroring the actions of others and look only to the Word of our Lord.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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