A Hope That Holds No Expectation

Dear Darlene,

I just found your site and blog and can't tell you how thankful I am!

I am having serious marriage troubles and have been double minded for a long while, never being able to decide whether to keep silent or discuss issues. I live in a house that is [falling] apart and I can't seem to help from commenting on my desire for him to get things done. I think your writings are really convincing me that I am making things worse by my comments, but where is the place for feedback? In other words, when must I keep quiet and when can I say, "I can't live with this house in complete disrepair anymore, etc?"

I bounce back and forth between believing I can speak honestly to him and believing that will only make it worse. I need to give him to God.

Thank you for your help and encouragement,

Double Minded



Dear Double Minded,

Thank you for your letter. I’m so blessed that you are seeking God’s way for your marriage. Communication is important to both men and women. We don’t always see it that way because men communicate differently. Many women say that their husbands won’t talk to them, but if you stop to watch the way he expresses himself, after a while you’ll become more familiar with his method of communication.

It could be any one of several reasons why your husband doesn’t tend to duties around the house. I could guess, and guess again, but without knowing him and your particular situation I would probably be off the mark.

So the best thing that I can suggest is to keep those lines of communication open. If it’s a matter of resentment, overwork, a sense of failure, stress, or distraction, he might finally come out and say it, but not until he trusts you deeply with his heart.

You said that you weren’t able to decide whether to “keep silent or discuss issues.”My answer to that would be to approach him with your requests, but do so in love.

The Bible warns women about nagging, which tells us that this isn’t anything new. Women have been nagging their husbands for thousands of years, but through the Word, God shows us that there is a better way to communicate. We should approach our husbands with love and humility—a hope that holds no expectation. And above all, be kind, tenderhearted and willing to forgive. That’s how you’ll win his heart.

Looking to the Bible we see a prime example in Esther who approached the king (her husband) with honor and respect. She made her petition known and left it in his hands to make the decision.

Another example we see is Jesus who lived in submission to the Father in Heaven. Praying in the garden of Gethsemane He said, “Not my will, but thine be done.”

Biblical submission doesn’t mean that we don’t have a voice or opinion. If we stifle our pain and our hurt we may grow to resent the men we once loved. When bitterness sets in, it takes root and will grow over time unless it is removed and replaced with something better. Be encouraged to share your thoughts, but hold back on the resentment if things don’t go your way. Because, don’t forget, God is control and can change things at anytime. Just do your part and let God handle the rest.


Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger,
and clamour, and evil speaking, be put
away from you, with all malice: And be
ye kind one to another, tenderhearted,
forgiving one another, even as God for
Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
~ Ephesians 4:31-32, KJV


You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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