Sunday, March 27, 2011

Who Does She Think She Is?

Today I welcome guest blogger,
Gina from "Chats With An Old Lady."



As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another.
~ Proverbs 27:17, NIV


I was sitting at my dining room table with a friend who had come to visit for the morning. My husband had just left after spending his lunch hour with us. "May I tell you something?" She asked. "Sure." I answered. She paused and then she said, "The way that you speak to your husband is wrong."

I was 27-years-old and had been married for almost 3 years. I had just begun spending time with this young woman. She was a year older than me, but she had a walk with God that I had never observed in a woman my age. She diligently studied God's Word and sought to live it out. She was a godly example of a wife and mother, so when she loved me enough to point out where I was missing the mark, there was really nothing I could say. She was right. I knew she was right. And she had been a living example to me.

I'd love to say that my response to her was one of humility and repentance, but it wasn't. To put it bluntly, I was bugged. Yes, I was definitely under conviction! But I didn't want to admit it. My pride wanted to fight it. "Who does she think she is?" I thought!

For a short time I resisted the things God was showing me through her example and her words. I would join in the gossip about her when I would get together with my other friends. But I couldn't fight what God was doing in my heart.

Not long after that lunch visit, she invited me to go to dinner with her. I couldn't think of a good excuse not to go, so I went. We talked for awhile and then she asked, "How is your time in the Word going?" I had to admit to her that it wasn't going so well. It was hit or miss at best. "Would you like me to help you?" she asked.

"Okay..." I said hesitantly. To accept her help was to admit I was wrong. I didn't really like that. But God was working in my heart. That was a turning point for me. I began to be in the Word on a daily basis, and God broke me. I began to see how ugly my heart really is. I began to see there was a need to change.

As I think back to those days I cringe! I even have a hard time looking at pictures from that time because it is a reminder of how rude and disrespectful I was to my precious husband. One of the saddest parts of this story is, one of the reasons I had not seen a need to change before this was that I really was no different than any other wife I knew in the church. I was used to being around women who cut down, disrespected, were sarcastic, and argued with there husbands--that was the norm. So when someone came on the scene who was working so hard to honor God by honoring her husband, it rubbed people the wrong way. It rubbed ME the wrong way. But after seeing the love and peace that was in the home of a young woman who worked hard to honor God in this way, I knew that was what I wanted.

I knew it was what God wanted.

Since that time I have had the privilege of spending time with a few other women who are wonderful examples of what it means to honoring their husbands. I "take notes" when I am with them. I also "take notes" when I am with other women as well. When I hear a woman complain about their husband, cut him down, or dishonor him in public, my heart drops. I am immediately reminded of those years and I am reminded of what I am capable of. It is a motivation for me to be so prayerful and careful about the way I treat and relate to my husband.

There have been a couple of times, over the years, when I have asked for input from someone I love and respect, and whom I know have my best interest at heart. When my children were elementary school aged, a missionary couple was staying at our home. I asked the wife, who is one of my mentors, if she would observe me while she was in our home and tell me if there was anything I need to work on. She agreed to do that. Not long after that she brought to my attention that there were a few times that my husband had made a decision whereI would override it and force what I wanted. She gave me a couple of examples. She was so right. But you know what? I didn't even realize I was doing it!

I am so thankful that God used her to open my eyes to what I was doing.

I am far from perfect in this, and will always need to be tuned in to how I am speaking to my husband. But thankfully there has been growth, and it is not "the norm" for me to dishonor him. There are times when I slip and have to ask, not only his forgiveness, but my children's forgiveness. Thankfully, for the most part, my children have grown up in a home where there is an overall respect for my husband. And I give God all the glory!

As my children were growing up, there were family member's homes that they felt uncomfortable in because of the way the wives spoke to their husband, and because of the amount of arguing and disrespect that goes on. It gave them a taste of what it is like to be in a home where dishonor sets the tone and they didn't like it. There were times they didn't want to go visit because of it. Now that they are older, they just see it for what it is and it has given them a greater appreciation for their own home.

There are many ways we can dishonor and disrespect our husbands. At times we don't even realize what we are doing or we are just doing what those around us are doing. We need to pray for God to open our eyes and ears to the ways in which we are dishonoring our husbands, and thereby creating an atmosphere of disrespect in our home. Our children will learn from our example.

I will be forever grateful for my friend who was brave enough, and who loved me enough, to confront me. I am so very grateful for my missionary friend who took the time to observe me and help me see the areas that I need to work on. I am thankful for the members of the body of Christ who are willing to come alongside me and encourage me in my walk with God, by their examples and by helping me learn how to bring honor to God in my marriage.

I am thankful for a husband who has been so patient with me as I have been learning how to honor him. And most of all, I am thankful for the ways God has drawn my heart to him and opened my eyes to my areas of need, so that I might glorify him better.



It is better to live in a desert land than
with a quarrelsome woman.
~ Proverbs 21:19




Our guest today is Gina, a Christ follower, who desires to glorify God in all that she does. Gina became a self proclaimed "old lady" after reading and studying what the Bible says, in Titus 2, about the role of "older women." She prays that she will continue to grow into that role, and most importantly, to LIVE OUT THE GOSPEL and live life WITH you!

You can find her blogging at "Chats With An Old Lady" where she is continually growing and challenging readers to also grow in their faith.

For questions or comments, contact Gina through her website: click here






You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

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