Limiting Family Size?

Dear Darlene,

I truly enjoy reading your blog. I feel that I can learn a lot from your blog. I am a young wife (23) and mother of two ages 5 and 2. I am going through my life and weeding out beliefs that I feel I've been pressured into by my family and society. And I would love to know your opinion on “limiting family size."

My husband and I love our two beautiful children, and are not currently trying. However if God was to bless us with more whenever He saw fit, we would gladly welcome the blessing. But I cannot help but feel that maybe I'm being naive by not using birth control. I have more faith in the Lord than a piece of latex or man-made medications.

But at the same time my mother said that the Lord gave the inventors of such things the knowledge to invent them. My mother only had two children. I know that children are expensive and require attention love and training. I also know that the Lord will give me whatever and whenever He sees fit, and that goes for all blessing in my life not just children. Am I naive for not actively trying to conceive? Or not trying to avoid conceiving?

P.S. I could not find in your blog if you have addressed this before, I apologize if I missed it.

Sincerely,

My faith is stronger (than latex)



Dear Faith,

Before I give my thoughts on this topic I pray that I won’t sway any readers from following their conscience or understanding of scripture on the topic. Above anything else, please pray about it and continue to seek God’s will for your family.

First and foremost, let’s not minimize what the Bible says, as it’s very important that we believe and adhere to what the scriptures say. We are told that children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord.


Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD:
and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man;
so are children of the youth. Happy is the
man that hath his quiver full of them:
they shall not be ashamed, but they shall
speak with the enemies in the gate.
~ Psalm 127:3-5


However, there are certain circumstances through which parents may choose that having another child isn’t the best decision for their family. For example, I’ve had five miscarriages, and with each of my pregnancies we had difficulties.

When I was pregnant for the ninth time, I was told by the doctors that Nathaniel’s kidneys were severely enlarged and that it was unlikely that he would survive, if he even made it to term. I already had a sick baby at home, and the life of my unborn child was threatened. Overcome with stress and grief, we decided that Nathaniel would be our last child. He was born healthy--all praise to God!--but that's a whole other story.

In addition to the constant turmoil, having four c-sections had thinned the walls of my uterus, which made having any more children dangerous for us. So taking everything into consideration, we pulled back the reigns.

I’d love nothing more than to have 18 kids like my grandma did, but unfortunately it wasn’t the direction by which we felt led. There’s always the “shoulda, woulda, coulda,” that I have to deal with, but at the same time I’m content knowing that God allowed me to choose.

And you are right, children are expensive—very expensive--and require attention, love and training. But there are so many things that most children today can do without: hockey, ballet, swimming pools, trampolines, laptops, motorized cars, guitar lessons, Xboxes, fast food, and $95 shoes. Happy are those who find their delight in the Lord!

Unfortunately many parents in our society are choosing more “stuff” over more children, and as a result they are missing out on a blessing. You can always get more “stuff” when you’re older, but there comes a time in every woman’s life when she’s finished bearing children. At that point, there’s no going back—she’s done.

The Bible doesn't prohibit birth control, but as with all areas of our lives we need to consider our choices to ensure that our decisions aren’t based on a lust for this world, but rather a pursuit of our Lord.

I’m probably not familiar with many of the modern methods of birth control. However, based on scripture I do know that abortion is not an option. Neither is anything that destroys a developing fetus or a fertilized egg. Preventing a pregnancy and destroying life are two very different things.

I realize that I have gone into more detail on this subject than you asked, but in answering your question, I wanted to ensure that I gave a thorough answer to others who may also come across this article. Human life is a precious thing that is not to be taken lightly.

I don’t think that you are naïve, and I applaud you for trusting God’s plan for your family.

You are loved by an almighty God,

Darlene

For comments or questions, contact me at:
darlene[at]darleneschacht.net

P.S. To those who have sent me letters and haven't received a reply, I just wanted you to know that I have received your email and your words are often on my mind. Thank you for trusting me with your heart. Unfortunately I don't have time to reply to all of your questions, but I pray that I will get to many of them as God permits time and wisdom.

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